The Most Terrifying Moment of my Life

The deep dark terror of the Ocean

Photo by @nikkotations

The passing clouds blotted out the sun turning the deep beautiful blue waters of the Indian Ocean to a murky gunmetal grey.

“There they are!” shouted the guide as he pointed to the dolphins’ fins breaching the surface of the water.

I had to do this. I had to get into the water with them. The cords of the poorly tied lifevest flapped in the wind. The sun gave us a little wink as the clouds passed overhead. If that wasn’t a signal, I don’t know what it was.

I took a deep breath.  And jumped.

The only problem was that the shore was more than a dozen kilometers away, The ocean was definitely more than a kilometer deep at this point. And somewhere between the boat and the water, I remembered I couldn’t swim.

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Let’s take a step back for a moment.

I think I have always been an adrenaline junkie. I didn’t really know it till I tried my hand at ziplining. The feeling of gravity begging your body and the ground to have a reunion set my blood pumping and I was in love. Who was I to say no to so great a feeling?

I tried bungee jumping and loved it. Later on, I would raise the stakes and go skydiving. The feeling of falling through the air as the wind rushes your face and the ground rushes up to meet you is one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had.

But here’s the thing: It’s not terrifying.

Don’t get me wrong. Does jumping out of a plane fill me with sheer fear?

Yes, it does.

It fills me with excitement too. It takes every bone in my body and fills me with the resonating vibration of life. I love that feeling. That exhilaration that reminds you that you’re alive and it’s damn great that you are.

Then there’s the ocean.

This massive unfeeling expanse of water that bows to no hand but its own. It dances with the wind and the moon and from their love, waves are born. And Lord, do they dance.

The ocean coddles no one. She hides her depths beneath a reflection of the sky above, yielding her secrets only to those who would dare venture beyond the known. She rewards the brave but has been known to withdraw her favour on a whim. Her currents run deep and dark.

But above all, the most terrifying thing about the ocean, is her indifference.

The ocean doesn’t care who you are or what you are. To her, you are just another speck in her realm. She doesn’t care if you sink or swim, if you love her or spurn her, If you embrace her heat or flee her cold. She gives and takes in equal measure, in some places creating magnificent beaches of the finest sand and yet in others carving the harshest cliffs from the hardest rocks. She is patient and brutal, taking her time to carve up the land age after age. She does not negotiate, she does not ask, she does not need permission.

She simply is.

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And there I was, halfway between the boat and the water, when all these thoughts hit me. The dark water beneath my feet was no longer blue. It was now reflecting the gloomy grey sky above. The now dark surface sent a shiver running through my heart.

My mind leapt to the thought of the depth beneath that grey surface. The deep darkness that extended beyond the sun’s rays. The all-encompassing feel of being immersed in it. My lungs tightened with the very thought.

Depth. Darkness. Water. Everywhere.

My feet hit the water with a splash.

#Beyourself #Fear #Terror